letter to Penn State
Dear Penn State: Yeah, I read the Grand Jury report. You all had opportunities to be heroes - yet you chose to be cowards. Excuse me while I throw shade at all involved. Jim Calhoun: You were the first person ever to actually witness any incident involving Sandusky and young boys. You were so disturbed by what you saw, you were visibly shaken and crying. You said, and I quote, “I fought in...
letter to tot mom
dear Casey Anthony, you have been such a big part of my life for the past 31 days. that is such a long time…you know, in the past 31 days, i got the results back on a much anticipated exam, attended two weddings, celebrated two holidays, survived pneumonia, made a new friend and started a workout class. amazing how much can be accomplished in just 31 days right?! I mean so many things to...
letter to a co-worker
Dear Boss Person I Work With: I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you and your daily reminders of your superiority. I feel most accomplished when you keep my inbox full with your work and come in to my office when the door is shut without knocking. (And then stand there while I talk on the phone to a client.) I just have one question I would like to discuss before I get started...
letter to facebook
I joined Facebook in 2005, when it first began. I don’t even recognize it now. Why the need for “applications?” Where are my groups? Why can’t I just list my interests instead of having to “like” a “page?” I find it extremely annoying and frankly, stupid. Why did you extend membership to everyone outside of Universities? Was it greed? Now I have to...
letter to a family member
******, Since my father will not allow me to confront you about your shady behavior for fear of creating turmoil within his family, I’ll just write you a letter and hope that one day you’ll see it. For my college graduation, Grandma gave me her Mikimoto pearl earrings and bracelet. She told me she didn’t give me the whole set because she wanted to wear the necklace until she...
letter to the HOA
“To The Board and ***** Management: I am bringing to your attention yet another Kat Spears* incident. I went out during the snow storm to cover the faucet outside of Kat Spears’s gate area. I wrapped it in towels and duct tape and posted “Do Not Remove, ROS”. She removed it and replaced it with a rug hanging over the fence and covering the faucet. The Board has, once again, sent a letter...
letter to a neighbor
Dear ****, I hope you realize the severe damage you have just done to your reputation here at the Royal Orleans. Your immense hatred for our beloved stray cat Oliver (yes he had a NAME), your desire to rid our community of what you deem to be an “unworthy being” and lack of a soul can only be compared to that of a modern-day Nazi, and for this you are hereby shunned. Oliver joined us...
correspondence with the world's worst roommate
WWR: hey, I don’t want to cause drama but I just found out that ****’s talking to your friend? I just wanted you to know that he and I have still been sleeping together and even tonight we were talking. I’m not angry at anyone but him bc I didn’t know he was doing this but I think your friend should know hes still been trying to see me even a couple days ago. I’m...
letter to a friends ex
Hi! Do you remember me? I live next door to your ex? I’m the girl with the boyfriend all the neighbors hate? Well anyway, I just wanted to thank you for taking over my title as worst boyfriend on the block. It was really driving me crazy; all the looks and whispers I was getting…but thanks to you I’m free again! I mean nobody is going to think my boyfriend is worse than a guy...
letter to a stupid boy
hey there…i heard about your new boo. congrats! you should have just spared me the bullshit about not wanting a relationship, and the bullshit about how you weren’t into *******. thanks for using me for months to make her jealous. so glad you decided you want to be with someone who previously left you for your shady friend. i thought you respected me enough to at least be truthful,...